When Baby Only Wants Mom: A Bali Dad's Way Back In

Babies commonly go through a phase, often in the first year, where they want only one parent, usually whoever they spend the most hours with, or whoever handles feeding. It's common, not a verdict on your bond, and it eases fastest when the other parent stays close in small, daily ways: claiming one routine and holding it, instead of stepping back to wait it out.

Why this phase happens

A "default parent" is the parent a baby reaches for first when upset, usually because they've logged the most hours of care, day and night. Most families we know go through this. If that parent is also feeding the baby, the preference gets stronger. None of this means the other parent is doing anything wrong: it's a phase of familiarity, not a decision the baby has made about anyone.

This is developmental, not personal. Most of us know the moment: one parent walks in the door and the baby reaches straight for the other one. It stings every time, even when you know exactly why it's happening.

A dad's way back in

The instinct is often to go big: a special outing or a brand new toy, one afternoon to "win" the baby over. In our experience, small and repeated beats big and occasional every time.

What works is claiming one piece of the daily routine and holding onto it, even before it goes smoothly: bath time, or the walk before dinner. Bali sits near the equator, so the heat and humidity stay high year-round with little seasonal break, and that walk is often the easiest one to claim, since it gets dad and baby out of the house without needing mom in the room. Dress baby in something light for it: muslin is a lightweight, loosely woven cotton that lets air pass through more freely than a tighter weave, so a baby stays cool instead of fussy, and calm enough for that time to actually count.

A few things that help:

• Take over one full routine, not just the fun parts of several
• Do it at the same time each day so the baby learns to expect you
• Skip the handoff during a meltdown, then try again when things are calm
• Let mom leave the room, or the house, so the baby has no easier option
• Keep your voice and pace steady even when the baby protests
• Give it weeks, not days, before you judge whether it's working

Start with routine, not rescue

Stepping in only during hard moments, like a meltdown or an overtired evening, backfires: that's when a baby is least open to a change of hands. The better path is claiming a calm window and showing up for it daily.

The traps that make it harder

Two things make this phase drag on. Treating every handoff as a test puts pressure on a moment babies can sense. And mom stepping back in the moment the baby fusses teaches the baby that protesting works. Treat this as a team project, not a scorecard: dads in this stretch usually feel unnecessary, not blamed, as why your husband might feel distant after the baby arrives covers.

For dads catching this pattern early, it often starts in the first disorienting weeks. Those first two weeks off the grid are worth getting right, since the habits you build then stick. If the night shift is part of your routine, taking the night feed is one of the fastest ways to become someone the baby trusts in the dark, too.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for a baby to only want one parent? Yes, it's normal for a baby to strongly prefer one parent for a stretch of the first year. It's a common developmental phase and isn't a sign that anything's wrong with either parent or the relationship.

How long does this usually last? How long a baby's preference for one parent lasts varies by baby and by how consistently the other parent stays involved. Some families see it shift within weeks. Others watch it ease over months.

What if the baby still won't settle with dad even after trying? If a baby still won't settle with dad after weeks of consistent, calm effort, some stretches are simply harder than others. If it feels stuck, or it's wearing on the whole family, raise it with your pediatrician or a family counselor instead of troubleshooting alone.

A note from Bali

If you're the parent on the outside right now, this doesn't last forever, even when the week you're in feels like proof it will. Keep showing up for your slice of the routine.

For the outside hours together, walks or warung runs, we dress for Bali's heat: muslin that breathes so a baby doesn't overheat mid-outing. See what we stock in the shop.